This is a very touchy subject for many of us women. Who can we trust? Who can be our ride or die?
How can we remain friends if we don’t agree?
Can we be honest without offending each other? Can we embrace each other’s differences and
still love each other unconditionally?
Do we hold grudges with each other for stupid small petty stuff? Can we ever find a mentor that will lead us
honestly, directly and without manipulation?
Can we be envious positively without jealousy?
These are just a few questions that come to mind and that I
want to share my perspective and personal experiences so that you can better
understand how to establish the right sisterhood relationship.
I grew up in a single parent home, where my mother was the
only one who raised me. I am the youngest
of 6 children. My Mother made it clear
that I was planned, however she said she didn’t want another girl. (Disclosure
#1 - which messed up my perception of inclusion of a family.) Mind you my
mother loved me dearly, took awesome care of me, and I learned a lot from her,
including what NOT to do. Some things
that she uttered and said to me, should not have been said, as it has rang in
my heart and mind for years to come.
Many times she compared me to my sister who was more submissive and more
studious and calmer than I was, and therefore led me to having low self-esteem.
(Disclosure #2 - she often called me stupid and I wouldn’t be as smart as my
sister.) I grew up not having a bond
with neither my mother nor my three sisters, however because two were already
older and out of the house, we weren’t able to bond. (Disclosure #3 – made me
apprehensive on establishing female relationships.)
As I am older, it’s difficult for me to establish friendships
or relationships with women. It’s never
the person’s fault, it stems from all of what I endured in my adolescent
years. Not knowing that the seeds that
were unknowingly planted by my mother would harvest later in my latter years. My mother only knew what she was given, she’s
still a great and awesome woman, I admire her strength and courage to be who
she is today.
As a Pastor’s wife, I can discern and see a lot of the pain,
discouragement and hurt that a lot of the women have endured. I believe my journey was purposed for such a
time as this. See when you evaluate your
life and what you had to go through, you can later get the revelation of the
purpose, and how to overcome it and help someone else who’s experienced what
you have. God sent his only begotten
son, into this world to experience what mankind would experience, only for the
purpose of saving souls. So that He can
say, I TRULY KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH!
Here are a few suggestions on how to overcome your fears of
establishing covenant, true, honest and loving sisterhood relationships.
2. Can you listen to her complain about her life
and offer support without trying to fix her life? Sometimes all we need is
someone who can listen. Try to be aware
of yourself that what you’re saying to her, is not just complaining but that
you’re encouraging and can offer to help find solutions. If all she does is complain and there’s no
connection, that’s another sign that you cannot establish a covenant
friendship. We all need balance, support and love in any relationship and
always talking about your problems and not trying to solve them, is a form of
depression and a sign, maybe that person may need professional help.
3. Can you not judge your sister, when she acts out
or responds a certain way to you that may offend you? Matthew
7:1 – Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
a.
You will need to first ask yourself, did I do
something personally for her to respond that way? If the answer is no, do not let the offense
affect your feelings. Ask yourself, what
can this person be going through to respond that way; and ask God to reveal it
to you so that you can be compassionate.
God will reveal it so that you can love her unconditionally and help her.
b.
Second, approach her when she’s in a better mood
and let her know of the offense, respectfully and lovingly. Matthew
18:15 - "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault,
just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. Sometimes we can be offensive and not know it,
because we are consumed with whatever life circumstance we are facing.
4. Try not to have conversations solely about your
accomplishments, it comes off as comparing one to another. We often times can engage in conversations
about what we do, or how we do it, or even where you’ve elevated in certain
areas of your life, which can come off as being better than the other.
a.
Be careful that you’re not speaking of your
accomplishments during a time the other is sharing her struggle, or while she’s
still making her way to the top.
Instead, “ASK” if you
can offer help because you’ve been able to overcome, nothing more needs to be
stated. Don’t assume the other person is sharing for your opinion or for your
help.
5. Always, offer prayer. In the moment, not just say you’re praying
but do it right then and there. “ASK” can I pray with you about
that matter? Be sincere, if you’re not
sure how to pray, “ASK” how
can I pray? Discernment is wonderful, however respect is always the best
approach. Words of encouragement are
always nice, but Prayer Changes Things. Matthew 18:19 - "Again, truly I tell
you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be
done for them by my Father in heaven.
The passages of Matthew that I’ve shared are considered the
books that reveal the ministry of Jesus.
How can we do ministry if we don’t love our sisters, as God loves
us. Ministry is not always on the
pulpit, holding a microphone or in the limelight. Ministry is being able to love
unconditionally, pray for one another without gain, and to be able be that
light when seemingly everything around us looks dark. Sisters are meant for building each other up,
not tearing each other down. Be
encouraged and have hope that God has a covenant sister in mind to be by your
side!
